3岁的坏脾气

再2个月小溪就要4 岁了。 在快到4岁的时候， 她的脾气看起来越来越糟糕了。 也许是受到她的好朋友的影响， 她学会了以剧烈大哭大叫的来反抗。她基本在每件事上都会反抗：

1. 到时间不肯吃饭
2. 到时间不肯洗澡（尤其是洗头）， 睡觉

我的想法是给她更多的控制感。让她能够更多的为她的生活做主。

1. 让她帮忙make table, 让她帮忙做饭
2. 让她自己决定多久洗一次头发
3. 用沙漏标记时间， 让她自己翻沙漏
4. 如果就是不肯吃饭， 可以不吃， 饿了也不给食物
5. 饭前洗澡， 不要等到她很累了

小溪在5月份的时候终于开始在班级里说话了。我觉得主要原因一是时间长了她终于与大家熟了起来， 二是她交了一个好朋友。不过这个好朋友是我帮她交的，我和那个女孩的妈妈约了好多次。她现在的问题是只跟这个女孩玩， 其他小朋友还是不太说话。这个月升班了，有了新老师和新同学， 不理睬新老师和同学。还好她的最好的朋友也升到这一班了， 她对上学才没那么抗拒。

我需要做的是：
1. 每天上学前鼓励她和老师打招呼
2. 给她约其他的playdate
3. 做volunteer
4. 跟老师多沟通， 给老师送shi wu

Type of stress

• Perceived control -  the confidence that we can direct the course of our life through our own efforts, goes hand in hand with virtually all the positive outcomes we want for our children
• Our role as adults is not to force them to follow the track we've laid out for them; it's to help them develop the skills to figure out the track that's right for them. They will need to find their own way and to make independent course corrections for the rest of their lives
• Stress comes from the lack of feeling in control 

A better understanding of stress:

• positive stress: kids experiencing positive stress know that they ultimately have control over whether or not they perform at all. As they know this, they are more likely to persevere and to reach their full potential if they know they don't have to do something.
• Tolerable stress: occurs for relatively brief periods with supportive adults present, and kids must have time to cope and recover. kids experienced tolerable stress likely become conditioned to cope stress which lays the foundation for resilience
• Toxic stress: frequent or prolonged activation of the stress system in the absence of support

#growing up brave# 5 minutes a day time

• There is no right way to do thing things. Your aim is to foster warmth and positive attachment and to have fun together. 
• During the special time, let your child direct. She is in charge of everything. don't tell him. Allow him to lead the play. Follow his lead.

Rules:

• Don't ask questions: no persistent questioning that directs the activity or demand a response
• turn your questions to statements: instead of asking "which one of the blocks do you want?", say "I'm excited to see which block you are going to do?", or "you always pick such cool colored blocks when you make a tower" 
• Don't give demand: There are demands:
• Let's put the cars away
• Come over here
• Don't criticize: There are all criticize!
• The horse should go in the barn over here
• It'll work better if you hold your crayon this way
• I bet you can stay in the lines if you try harder
• Praise appropriate behavior: labeled praise.
• when praise, not necessary to refer to a previous failure
• Reflect your child's talk
• Imitate her actions
• Describe what she's doing
• Express enthusiasm

notes from #growing up brave# parenting type

Parenting styles:

The too talkative parent: 
Parents are attentive and tend to give a lot of information beforehand or talk a lot to help children address the problems.
solution: observe your children. if your children aren't benefiting from a lot of talking about the situation and actually look more upset about it. If so, its better to tone things down. Know if your child is the type of child, not to want to test the water first; perhaps just jumping in works better. Having too much information up front exposes some children to a greater degree of anticipatory anxiety.

The intrusive parent:

The overly reassuring parent:
example: in a separation scenario, like send the kid to a camp, the mother keeps saying "don't worry. you are going to be fine. you are going to love this" and so on.
Solution: Instead of all those reassurances, focus on what the kid is most excited about or how proud she would be when she successfully did it. Predicting success for a child often creates it. Or suggest the kid would conquer parts of the evening and be rewarded for toughing it out. 
Conveying an expectation of success isn't waying "you're going to be fine" fifty times. Instead, the message should be "you know what to do if you need a little help. so now just go and have fun"

3岁半的小溪

--- 想象力开始发芽了。能自己编故事了。
--- 开始了演戏。

• 她不想吃饭， 就说自己太累了爬不上high chair, 还上演爬不上去摔下来的戏码。 
• 她自己有自己玩小红帽大灰狼的方法。还会把一个拼图故意扔到地上， 然后假装不知道，找啊找， 然后发现掉地上了

help lexi with talking in school

Tips for Helping Kids Talk

• Be a sportscaster: Do a play-by-play recap of what the child is doing: “You’re drawing a flower” or “I see you’re pointing to the picture in the book.” This helps convey interest in what the child is doing and is a good technique to fall back on when he is nonverbal.
• Wait 5 seconds: When we ask a question, we often don’t give kids enough time to respond. Waiting five seconds without repeating the question or letting anyone answer for a child is a good rule of thumb. It also helps kids learn to tolerate their anxiety.
• Use labeled praise: Instead of just saying “Great job!” be specific: “Great job telling me you want juice!” This way kids know exactly what they’re being praised for, and they feel motivated to keep doing it.
• Rephrase your question: Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a yes or no — or, more often, nodding or shaking his head — ask a question that is more likely to prompt a verbal response. Try giving him choices (“Would you like a puppy sticker or a star sticker?”) or asking more open-ended questions (“What should we play next?”).
• Practice echoing: Repeat or paraphrase what the child is saying. This is reinforcing and lets him know that he’s been heard and understood. For kids who speak very quietly, repeating what they say also helps them participate in bigger groups.

I want to wear the same dress everyday - 3 years and 4 months

This morning, Lexi had a melt down. The reason is she insisted on wearing the same pink dress that she already worn yesterday. I tried to talk her out of the idea. 

First I told her she already wore it yesterday, and people don't wear the same clothes for two straight days. At 3 years old, children don't care about what others think of them. and I don't want her to care too much about what others think of her either, so I didn't try to persuade her with this argument again. 

Then I brought out a blue jean dress. She always said blue is her favorite color and always liked to wear something in blue. But this time, she said no and her favorite color is not blue anymore, but pink. 

I tried to figure out why she only wants this dress, so is it color? It turns out it's the style. It has a twirly edge at the bottom. She likes the dress twirls when she spins. Knowing that I showed her that the blue jean dress twirls too and tried to persuade her to try it on. But she refused to take off the pink dress and cried very hard. I almost lost it. I found I easily get agitated by her crying. Finally, she tried on the blue dress and refused to agree that the dress twirls even when I showed her a video of her spinning the dress. 

Well, I lost this battle and agreed on her wearing the same pink dress again. 
I then googled the solutions to this problem. I am not surprised that this problem comes out and even glad that she has her own mind now. Solutions include:
1. Make a rule that if her outfit is dirty, your daughter has to pick out something else.
2. tell her she can wear her favorite pants and shirt to school every day as long as she is willing to wash them every night. 
3.  tell her that you will wash her favorite outfit twice a week, so she can wear it every Monday and every Friday

5 Ways to Teach Your Kids to Be Proactive

1. Address Negative Statements about the Self

Seligman found that persons with a passive coping style often attribute negative events or failures to some internal quality about themselves. For instance, a boy might attribute a poor grade on a test to his being “stupid” rather than to the test’s difficulty or lack of preparation. If the boy believes he is simply stupid, why should he try to do better in the future? When your child meets with failure, it is an opportunity to understand how he interprets failure. If he attributes it to some flaw in himself, challenge him to think of alternative explanations. Provide evidence that his global statement about himself is false.

2. Encourage Proactive Behaviors During Times of Adversity

First ask the child to identify a problem. Maybe he isn’t making friends in his new school. Maybe he failed to make the basketball team. Ask the child to make a list of things he could do to improve the situation. Ask him to list everything he can think of, from the outlandish to the conservative. If he has trouble generating ideas at first, feel free to help him. Make it playful. Once you have a considerable list, ask the child to pick a few things from the list which he is willing to do to help his situation. Give the child credit for performing the behavior (not the outcome). Some of his initiatives will be successful, others won’t. He will learn two things from this: he can do things to impact his world for the better, and if his initiatives don’t bring the desired result, he can try something else. He will also discover that it feels good to take action.

3. Set Personal Goals

One way for a child to learn that he can positively impact his life is to set goals and then work to attain those goals. Have the child identify a few goals. On a note card, help him identify steps he can take toward achievement of his goal. When the child accomplishes a step, check it off the list. This way the child can visualize the progress he is making toward his goal. When the child faces an unanticipated obstacle, use another note card and devote it to overcoming the obstacle.

4. Practice Helping Others

Get your child involved in a volunteer activity in which he helps others. Helping others is proactive; it is doing something to improve world. Not only are altruistic acts empowering, but they also bolster self esteem and give one a sense of connectedness to the larger world.

5. Challenge Negative Thinking

Negative thinking undermines motivation and initiative; it promotes a sense of hopelessness and, in effect, helplessness. When your child is confronted with a new situation, does he look forward to new experiences or does he believe it will be disappointing? Look for the absolutes in your child’s speech, words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” and “no one”. For example, a child going to a new school might say “I’ll never make friends. Everyone already has friends.” When you hear statements like this, be sure to challenge them. A counterargument to the above statement might go something like this, rephrased appropriately for the child:

It is true it will take time to make friends at a new school. But even if most kids have friends, it doesn’t mean they are not open to making new friends. Also, it is unlikely that everyone has friends as you say. There are probably some kids who don’t have many friends and would love to make a new friend. Furthermore, you have always had at least one friend since you were little. Based on your history, I think it is highly unlikely that you will never make another friend.

As children get older, encourage them to come up with their own counterarguments for negative thinking.

我不是一个好妈妈

• 我因为她不喜欢玩磁力片或者lego而不喜欢她
• 我因为她不会画画而不喜欢她
• 我因为她只爱找我玩野餐游戏， 只玩重复的游戏而厌倦
• 我没耐心的时候不回应她。她找我玩的时候， 我很烦躁的说我不想和她玩
• 我不耐烦的让她自己去玩， 别来烦我
• 我因为她不好好吃饭而发脾气
• 她哭的时候我大吼着让她不要哭
• 我总忍不住把她和别的小孩比较，然后瞧不上她
• 我瞧不上她爱玩过家家

3岁2个月的小溪

可能是收到学校老师的影响， 最近总是爱说let me show you how to... first.... secondly....
精细能力大大的提高， 能灵活运用剪子了， 所以很爱做手工
对画画的兴趣降低了， 可能因为我的引导不利。。。。
可以自己玩一阵子，不需要陪伴了
语言上英文可以说一些句子


关键关键关键：
1. 不指责！即使我觉得很失望，也不要流露出来！ 时刻记得她只是三岁的孩子！
2. 表扬过程， 表扬她客服困难的过程
3. 提供游戏环境， 任由她选择
4. 多陪伴她玩pretend and silly games
5. 在社交上为她做榜样， 和朋友约会，