- Perceived control - the confidence that we can direct the course of our life through our own efforts, goes hand in hand with virtually all the positive outcomes we want for our children
- Our role as adults is not to force them to follow the track we've laid out for them; it's to help them develop the skills to figure out the track that's right for them. They will need to find their own way and to make independent course corrections for the rest of their lives
- Stress comes from the lack of feeling in control
A better understanding of stress:
- positive stress: kids experiencing positive stress know that they ultimately have control over whether or not they perform at all. As they know this, they are more likely to persevere and to reach their full potential if they know they don't have to do something.
- Tolerable stress: occurs for relatively brief periods with supportive adults present, and kids must have time to cope and recover. kids experienced tolerable stress likely become conditioned to cope stress which lays the foundation for resilience
- Toxic stress: frequent or prolonged activation of the stress system in the absence of support
