3岁的坏脾气

再2个月小溪就要4 岁了。 在快到4岁的时候， 她的脾气看起来越来越糟糕了。 也许是受到她的好朋友的影响， 她学会了以剧烈大哭大叫的来反抗。她基本在每件事上都会反抗：

1. 到时间不肯吃饭
2. 到时间不肯洗澡（尤其是洗头）， 睡觉

我的想法是给她更多的控制感。让她能够更多的为她的生活做主。

1. 让她帮忙make table, 让她帮忙做饭
2. 让她自己决定多久洗一次头发
3. 用沙漏标记时间， 让她自己翻沙漏
4. 如果就是不肯吃饭， 可以不吃， 饿了也不给食物
5. 饭前洗澡， 不要等到她很累了

小溪在5月份的时候终于开始在班级里说话了。我觉得主要原因一是时间长了她终于与大家熟了起来， 二是她交了一个好朋友。不过这个好朋友是我帮她交的，我和那个女孩的妈妈约了好多次。她现在的问题是只跟这个女孩玩， 其他小朋友还是不太说话。这个月升班了，有了新老师和新同学， 不理睬新老师和同学。还好她的最好的朋友也升到这一班了， 她对上学才没那么抗拒。

我需要做的是：
1. 每天上学前鼓励她和老师打招呼
2. 给她约其他的playdate
3. 做volunteer
4. 跟老师多沟通， 给老师送shi wu

Type of stress

• Perceived control -  the confidence that we can direct the course of our life through our own efforts, goes hand in hand with virtually all the positive outcomes we want for our children
• Our role as adults is not to force them to follow the track we've laid out for them; it's to help them develop the skills to figure out the track that's right for them. They will need to find their own way and to make independent course corrections for the rest of their lives
• Stress comes from the lack of feeling in control 

A better understanding of stress:

• positive stress: kids experiencing positive stress know that they ultimately have control over whether or not they perform at all. As they know this, they are more likely to persevere and to reach their full potential if they know they don't have to do something.
• Tolerable stress: occurs for relatively brief periods with supportive adults present, and kids must have time to cope and recover. kids experienced tolerable stress likely become conditioned to cope stress which lays the foundation for resilience
• Toxic stress: frequent or prolonged activation of the stress system in the absence of support

#growing up brave# 5 minutes a day time

• There is no right way to do thing things. Your aim is to foster warmth and positive attachment and to have fun together. 
• During the special time, let your child direct. She is in charge of everything. don't tell him. Allow him to lead the play. Follow his lead.

Rules:

• Don't ask questions: no persistent questioning that directs the activity or demand a response
• turn your questions to statements: instead of asking "which one of the blocks do you want?", say "I'm excited to see which block you are going to do?", or "you always pick such cool colored blocks when you make a tower" 
• Don't give demand: There are demands:
• Let's put the cars away
• Come over here
• Don't criticize: There are all criticize!
• The horse should go in the barn over here
• It'll work better if you hold your crayon this way
• I bet you can stay in the lines if you try harder
• Praise appropriate behavior: labeled praise.
• when praise, not necessary to refer to a previous failure
• Reflect your child's talk
• Imitate her actions
• Describe what she's doing
• Express enthusiasm

notes from #growing up brave# parenting type

Parenting styles:

The too talkative parent: 
Parents are attentive and tend to give a lot of information beforehand or talk a lot to help children address the problems.
solution: observe your children. if your children aren't benefiting from a lot of talking about the situation and actually look more upset about it. If so, its better to tone things down. Know if your child is the type of child, not to want to test the water first; perhaps just jumping in works better. Having too much information up front exposes some children to a greater degree of anticipatory anxiety.

The intrusive parent:

The overly reassuring parent:
example: in a separation scenario, like send the kid to a camp, the mother keeps saying "don't worry. you are going to be fine. you are going to love this" and so on.
Solution: Instead of all those reassurances, focus on what the kid is most excited about or how proud she would be when she successfully did it. Predicting success for a child often creates it. Or suggest the kid would conquer parts of the evening and be rewarded for toughing it out. 
Conveying an expectation of success isn't waying "you're going to be fine" fifty times. Instead, the message should be "you know what to do if you need a little help. so now just go and have fun"

3岁半的小溪

--- 想象力开始发芽了。能自己编故事了。
--- 开始了演戏。

• 她不想吃饭， 就说自己太累了爬不上high chair, 还上演爬不上去摔下来的戏码。 
• 她自己有自己玩小红帽大灰狼的方法。还会把一个拼图故意扔到地上， 然后假装不知道，找啊找， 然后发现掉地上了

help lexi with talking in school

Tips for Helping Kids Talk

• Be a sportscaster: Do a play-by-play recap of what the child is doing: “You’re drawing a flower” or “I see you’re pointing to the picture in the book.” This helps convey interest in what the child is doing and is a good technique to fall back on when he is nonverbal.
• Wait 5 seconds: When we ask a question, we often don’t give kids enough time to respond. Waiting five seconds without repeating the question or letting anyone answer for a child is a good rule of thumb. It also helps kids learn to tolerate their anxiety.
• Use labeled praise: Instead of just saying “Great job!” be specific: “Great job telling me you want juice!” This way kids know exactly what they’re being praised for, and they feel motivated to keep doing it.
• Rephrase your question: Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a yes or no — or, more often, nodding or shaking his head — ask a question that is more likely to prompt a verbal response. Try giving him choices (“Would you like a puppy sticker or a star sticker?”) or asking more open-ended questions (“What should we play next?”).
• Practice echoing: Repeat or paraphrase what the child is saying. This is reinforcing and lets him know that he’s been heard and understood. For kids who speak very quietly, repeating what they say also helps them participate in bigger groups.

I want to wear the same dress everyday - 3 years and 4 months

This morning, Lexi had a melt down. The reason is she insisted on wearing the same pink dress that she already worn yesterday. I tried to talk her out of the idea. 

First I told her she already wore it yesterday, and people don't wear the same clothes for two straight days. At 3 years old, children don't care about what others think of them. and I don't want her to care too much about what others think of her either, so I didn't try to persuade her with this argument again. 

Then I brought out a blue jean dress. She always said blue is her favorite color and always liked to wear something in blue. But this time, she said no and her favorite color is not blue anymore, but pink. 

I tried to figure out why she only wants this dress, so is it color? It turns out it's the style. It has a twirly edge at the bottom. She likes the dress twirls when she spins. Knowing that I showed her that the blue jean dress twirls too and tried to persuade her to try it on. But she refused to take off the pink dress and cried very hard. I almost lost it. I found I easily get agitated by her crying. Finally, she tried on the blue dress and refused to agree that the dress twirls even when I showed her a video of her spinning the dress. 

Well, I lost this battle and agreed on her wearing the same pink dress again. 
I then googled the solutions to this problem. I am not surprised that this problem comes out and even glad that she has her own mind now. Solutions include:
1. Make a rule that if her outfit is dirty, your daughter has to pick out something else.
2. tell her she can wear her favorite pants and shirt to school every day as long as she is willing to wash them every night. 
3.  tell her that you will wash her favorite outfit twice a week, so she can wear it every Monday and every Friday

5 Ways to Teach Your Kids to Be Proactive

1. Address Negative Statements about the Self

Seligman found that persons with a passive coping style often attribute negative events or failures to some internal quality about themselves. For instance, a boy might attribute a poor grade on a test to his being “stupid” rather than to the test’s difficulty or lack of preparation. If the boy believes he is simply stupid, why should he try to do better in the future? When your child meets with failure, it is an opportunity to understand how he interprets failure. If he attributes it to some flaw in himself, challenge him to think of alternative explanations. Provide evidence that his global statement about himself is false.

2. Encourage Proactive Behaviors During Times of Adversity

First ask the child to identify a problem. Maybe he isn’t making friends in his new school. Maybe he failed to make the basketball team. Ask the child to make a list of things he could do to improve the situation. Ask him to list everything he can think of, from the outlandish to the conservative. If he has trouble generating ideas at first, feel free to help him. Make it playful. Once you have a considerable list, ask the child to pick a few things from the list which he is willing to do to help his situation. Give the child credit for performing the behavior (not the outcome). Some of his initiatives will be successful, others won’t. He will learn two things from this: he can do things to impact his world for the better, and if his initiatives don’t bring the desired result, he can try something else. He will also discover that it feels good to take action.

3. Set Personal Goals

One way for a child to learn that he can positively impact his life is to set goals and then work to attain those goals. Have the child identify a few goals. On a note card, help him identify steps he can take toward achievement of his goal. When the child accomplishes a step, check it off the list. This way the child can visualize the progress he is making toward his goal. When the child faces an unanticipated obstacle, use another note card and devote it to overcoming the obstacle.

4. Practice Helping Others

Get your child involved in a volunteer activity in which he helps others. Helping others is proactive; it is doing something to improve world. Not only are altruistic acts empowering, but they also bolster self esteem and give one a sense of connectedness to the larger world.

5. Challenge Negative Thinking

Negative thinking undermines motivation and initiative; it promotes a sense of hopelessness and, in effect, helplessness. When your child is confronted with a new situation, does he look forward to new experiences or does he believe it will be disappointing? Look for the absolutes in your child’s speech, words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” and “no one”. For example, a child going to a new school might say “I’ll never make friends. Everyone already has friends.” When you hear statements like this, be sure to challenge them. A counterargument to the above statement might go something like this, rephrased appropriately for the child:

It is true it will take time to make friends at a new school. But even if most kids have friends, it doesn’t mean they are not open to making new friends. Also, it is unlikely that everyone has friends as you say. There are probably some kids who don’t have many friends and would love to make a new friend. Furthermore, you have always had at least one friend since you were little. Based on your history, I think it is highly unlikely that you will never make another friend.

As children get older, encourage them to come up with their own counterarguments for negative thinking.

我不是一个好妈妈

• 我因为她不喜欢玩磁力片或者lego而不喜欢她
• 我因为她不会画画而不喜欢她
• 我因为她只爱找我玩野餐游戏， 只玩重复的游戏而厌倦
• 我没耐心的时候不回应她。她找我玩的时候， 我很烦躁的说我不想和她玩
• 我不耐烦的让她自己去玩， 别来烦我
• 我因为她不好好吃饭而发脾气
• 她哭的时候我大吼着让她不要哭
• 我总忍不住把她和别的小孩比较，然后瞧不上她
• 我瞧不上她爱玩过家家

3岁2个月的小溪

可能是收到学校老师的影响， 最近总是爱说let me show you how to... first.... secondly....
精细能力大大的提高， 能灵活运用剪子了， 所以很爱做手工
对画画的兴趣降低了， 可能因为我的引导不利。。。。
可以自己玩一阵子，不需要陪伴了
语言上英文可以说一些句子


关键关键关键：
1. 不指责！即使我觉得很失望，也不要流露出来！ 时刻记得她只是三岁的孩子！
2. 表扬过程， 表扬她客服困难的过程
3. 提供游戏环境， 任由她选择
4. 多陪伴她玩pretend and silly games
5. 在社交上为她做榜样， 和朋友约会，

2岁9个月

可以自己蹲便盆了！
小溪的语言能力最近又爆发了， 她能够说很复杂的句子，里面会包含时间状语， 比如“一会儿“，”今天“ ， 当然她对”今天“， ”明天“之类的时间概念还不是很清楚
垒个7，8层高的积木没有问题
20块左右不太难的拼图
爱画画， 但是自己不知道怎么画， 爱看别人画画， 总让妈妈陪她画
过家家还是她的最爱
对于10以内的数字已经多少的概念了，也很爱数数


大部分时间还是需要妈妈陪伴

现在对画画， 空间感敏感， 要加强这方面的引导

2岁半的小溪

• 说话方面， 中文会说很多句子， 但是英文进步不大. 
• 很喜欢玩pretend游戏。对过家家游戏很着迷
• 最喜欢的事是看peppa pig动画片
• 对lego，拼图兴趣还是不大。爱挑她能完成的拼图玩， 不想拼曾经拼不出来的拼图， 
• 可以数10以内的东西。但还是没有数字的概念。 比如如果有10个东西， 她可以数出来。可是如果我说给你10个饼干， 但是只拿了3个， 她也以为是10个
• 很喜欢拿笔到处画， 对笔有一定的控制力了，可以描绘一些简单的设定好的线条。可以不准确的涂色
• 爱读书，但是我给她读的不够。
• 个性还是非常急， 没有耐心。
• 仍旧很有主见， 主要体现在不回应， 不理大人的要求

2岁的小溪

一转眼， 小溪已经两岁了。她会做好多好多事情了。别人问我小溪多大会做什么什么呀？我都说不上来了。懒妈妈写日记变成了三个月一记。

• 说话方面， 会说一些略复杂的句子， 但有时说的不清楚， 她自己也不是很有自信， 说句子的时候有时候会很小声。 不会用连词， 不懂“为什么”是什么意思
• 上幼儿园三个月了， 会了一些英文单词。颜色还有动物的英文都会说。
• 小溪最爱做的事是模仿大人。 从幼儿园回来就会模仿老师唱egg song, 模仿老师的动作，语言，表情。很喜欢玩pretend游戏。给玩具小狗换尿布。 看到书上讲野餐， 她就把垫子铺到地上， 把玩具食物放到垫子上假装野餐。
• 非常喜欢儿歌。现在我再也不怕开车带她出去了， 只要放儿歌， 她就会乖乖的坐着。同样的儿歌放很多遍，她也不腻。她会唱很多儿歌了，中文英文都有。有一些就是自己听着学会的。
• 小溪的精细运动是几个方面最弱的一项， 经常做不好就会发脾气， 会把本来做好的也破坏掉。
• 开始在大人的帮助鼓励下玩乐高， 拼图了。jigsaw拼图她还是没有掌握要点， 不懂得按照图片拼。 在大人的帮助下可以拼6-8片。没有大人的帮助， 可以拼大概4片。自己拼出拼图会很高兴的嘿嘿笑。乐高需要大人给她示范， 自己可以稍微模仿。
• 对数字有2的概念，爱说“2个2个2个”， 有时对3有概念， 数数偶尔耐心的时候可以数， 大多数的时候还是乱数。
• 很喜欢拿笔到处画， 基本是画螺旋圈圈， 对笔没有控制力， 不能慢慢的用笔画出想要的图案。
• 非常爱看书， 经常缠着我给她读书， 同样的书讲好多遍， 我都怕了她了。
• 小溪的个性还是非常急， 没有耐心。
• 现在她非常有主见，不要换尿布，不要吃饭， 不要洗澡， 不要睡觉。如果大人强行要求， 她就嚎啕大哭，跺脚，跳，越哭越厉害。
• 非常爱毛绒玩具， 尤其是玩具狗， 早上醒来就找汪汪，晚上睡觉要和汪汪一起睡。
• 饭吃的不错， 开始爱吃鱼了。2岁体检， 身高85%， 体重70%。 还是用奶瓶喝奶。
• 最喜欢的人是妈妈， 然后是奶奶

读书笔记：我的两岁孩子

最近规定自己每天花15-20分钟看点育儿的书和文章

我的两岁孩子》

虽说宝宝还不到两岁， 但已经有些两岁孩子的特点了， 一些育儿方法也可以用起来

1. 约定规矩：在重要的事，尤其是吃饭睡觉这种每天都要做的事情上， 要制定可行的， 流程规则， 每次都要按照规矩执行， 帮她建立长久的习惯。

2. 对孩子的指令要有余地，有技巧。例子：

• 要求孩子收拾玩具， 可以说”我们一起把玩具收好吧“， ”玩具要回家了， 我们帮玩具回家“， 这样即使孩子强烈拒绝， 家长可以自己收好，给她做个榜样。
• 但是对于一定要做而孩子又非常粘人的时候，不给她选择的余地。比如家长要上班了，可以说”妈妈现在要去上班了， 晚上回来陪你玩“， 而不是问她”我上班了， 好吗？“
• 
  

New first 3 years of life (14-24 months)

14-24 months

• At this age period, she will increasingly show determination day by day, she will not yet be rational, and she will very probably remain quite limited in her ability to express her desires.

Emotionally:

• She is far less abrupt in her shifts of mood from happyness to the gloom or anger than is the younger child.

Socially:

• she has acquired most of the social skills for use with adults she interacts with daily. 
• how to get and hold the attention of adults in a wide variety of ways
• Use adult as a resource.
• expressing affection and annoyance toward adults
• emergence of individuality and personal power
• aware of themselves as separate entities with social power. so they keep test how much power they have with their key people.
• They are not fully reasonable and yet is chronically self-assertive and resistant

intellectual functioning:

• use of ideas and images rather than physical action when solving problems
• sense of time has expanded substantially to the point where he can recall and talk about the events of the day and look forward to the next day

22-24 months

• children stop testing you, because
• language development
• thinking ability and imagination have emerged along with humor
• her personality is becoming clearer, more fixed and more individualistic

Typical behaviors:

• incapable of sharing and will remain that way until she is at least 22 months
• develop a nee d to decide a series of action, which clothes they will wear, which foods they will eat, who will feed them....

如何帮助宝宝学习控制情绪和耐心

 对于一个不到三岁的孩子来说， 控制自己的情绪是超越她目前大脑的发展的水平的。 当孩子唧唧歪歪，总是不开心不耐烦的时候，

1. 首先要考虑她是不是生理上不舒服。因为很小的孩子还不能表达自己的感受， 甚至她也不明白自己为啥感觉不舒服。

困了？饿了？ 热了？ 

2。 有什么要求没被满足？有时孩子不开心的情绪可能是积累的， 而且是由一些大人注意不到的小事积累起来的。 比如有一次，我着急带小溪出去上课， 可是她却坚持要自己穿裤子。 她通常要花很长时间才能穿上裤子， 我只好粗暴地帮她把裤子穿上。 她一路上就哼哼唧唧很不开心。 所以要理解孩子的慢节奏， 在安排事情的时候要预留出足够的时间，把孩子需要的时间算进去。

3. 有时哼哼唧唧可能是因为孩子无聊了。 要仔细观察孩子的行为， 理解她的需求， 引导她做有趣的活动。

如何延长2岁儿童的专注力

首先我们要明白儿童的专注力时间要比大人短很多。研究表明，一个2岁半的儿童平均能专注的玩一个玩具4分钟。 越小的孩子专注力越短。明白了这一点， 大人可以适当降低期待，不会在这个问题上太焦虑。其次， 我们还是要帮助孩子养成专注的好习惯。因为决定一个人做某件事的成功的往往不是智力， 而是专注与坚持。 那么怎么帮助儿童提高专注力呢， 下面这几点是我在看了网上的一些文章后总结出来的：

1. 减少环境对孩子专注力的干扰。
首先把玩具收起来。每次让孩子挑选一个玩具到另一个地方玩， 玩过之后把玩具放回去， 再拿另一个玩具。 要做到这点的难度在于坚持， 帮孩子养成这个习惯。

2. 当孩子玩两下就想放弃的时候， 想办法吸引她在多做一件事。比如孩子拿出拼图，拼了两个就想走了， 鼓励她再多拼一个。一点一点的加长她的专注时间。

3. 引导孩子的兴趣。一个玩具其实除了说明书上的玩法， 还可以有很多玩法。当孩子玩两下觉得没意思的时候， 通过提示或者演示，帮助孩子建立兴趣。

4. 观察孩子的兴趣。当一个人对一件事有兴趣的时候， 才可能专注的去做。 观察孩子的兴趣在哪， 引导她做类似但又有点新内容的事情， 慢慢帮她把兴趣扩大。

如何帮助孩子对待挫折感
首先要观察。 如果孩子因为失败而感到挫折， 但是还是会继续尝试， 这时候不要干预。这是一个锻炼孩子承受力的机会， 因为当他们感到挫折还能继续尝试并获得成功，这会增强他们的自信心和抗挫折能力。
如果孩子感到挫折就放弃的时候， 这时候家长可以说：你真的很努力，可这确实有些难， 你感到有些沮丧做不好这件事，是吗， 有什么我可以帮你的吗？


如何帮孩子建立自尊自信

小溪21个月

• 指定某个人帮她做某件事， 比如一定要妈妈帮她解开围兜
• 所有的事都要自己做， 拒绝别人的帮忙， 比如上楼梯， 比如把沙子玩具放到袋子里， 要自己穿裤子， 穿鞋子， 洗澡。。。
• 有很强的所有的概念。经常会说“这个拖鞋是姥姥的”之类的。如果我拿了队友的电话， 她会拿给她爸爸说‘这是爸爸的电话“
• 能说好多完整的句子了。可以说一些有因果关系的句子， 比如“妹妹过生日， 宝宝吃蛋糕了”。会背一些儿歌。大人说的句子， 她能很快的复述一遍。
• 喜欢鲜艳颜色的衣服，会说”好看“。 指着我涂的红指甲说”好看“
• 玩了一阵pretend game了， 会拿木头的水果之类的给大人吃
• 非常喜欢动物玩具， 会抱着狗狗小熊又抱又亲
• 吃饭的时候把小狗玩具放在旁边的小凳子上陪她吃
• 不想去洗澡的时候， 拿着洗澡玩具小鸭子跟她说”宝宝快来陪我玩啊“。她就会很高兴的跑进浴室。
• 最近说话有些结巴

• 可以数到20，但并不真正懂得数数的概念。认识10以内的数字和一些字母。
• 爱跳， 可以双脚跳。喜欢扔小石头

• 喜欢吹泡泡， 玩沙，画画， 听音乐跳舞。从吹不出泡泡到能吹出很多泡泡。因为能吹出很多泡泡， 她非常开心，所以很爱吹泡泡。
• 对于积木，拼图还是不感兴趣。 能玩三个小套杯

• 经常因为失败而着急发脾气

9/5/17

昨天接了姥姥姥爷到家里来， 宝宝非常高兴见到姥姥。 晚上给宝宝洗完澡后， 我先给宝宝喝上奶，再和张辰送姥姥姥爷去机场，他们要回国两个月。于是让奶奶陪宝宝睡觉。奶奶今天说宝宝喝完奶后对奶奶说， “爸爸妈妈送姥姥姥爷回家了”。 原来她一直都在注意我们聊天， 并且听懂了。突然觉得很感动。还不到2岁的宝宝已经这么懂事了。小小的她虽然很多事不会表达， 可是心里都很明白。 时间过的好快啊， 从那个只会哭着要奶喝的小小的婴儿快长大了。真的要好好珍惜和她在一起的时光啊！